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Thursday, August 28, 2008
with all the activities that i've been doing lately, it seems like i haven't have any time for myself anymore. i would just like to do the things i like, without thinking of anything else. do the things i want, meet the people i want to see again after such a long time.
sometimes i have to go somewhere because of what i call "forced obligation" (a double entendre, i know). as a result, i feel cramped. it's like something's crowding me in.
do i sound like an ungrateful scamp? a selfish little prig? maybe i do.
i guess i'm still getting used to belonging in such a big group with diverse personalities.
is it too much to ask for a little bit of me-time?
oh well.
*sigh*
Saturday, August 23, 2008
oh-kay, it's officially august 23, but i would still like to commemorate the third anniversary of this here blog, with the first post dating back from august 22, 2005. whoop-dee-doo!!!
thanks to best friend donna, who got me into blogging. woohoo! hahahaha!
Friday, August 08, 2008
i never thought i'd say those words. i dunno if it's just me or what, but i get really paranoid when something doesn't go right whenever i use something that's related to technology. take for instance, my laptop. i bought this laptop from the US and it's supposed to be as good as brand new. i use this primarily for my work, plus for my other writings. but when something goes wrong with the materials i'm using, i panic. and when i panic, i don't know what to do anymore. my mind goes on a tizzy. especially when i know i'm on a deadline. it's like, i have to do this now, now, now! never mind the planned gimmicks as long as i finish my script on time. i don't know. maybe i just stress myself out too much.
stress. it's such an ugly word.
methinks i ain't making any sense here anymore.
*sigh*
i think i'll lie down for a while.
i need a hug. 
Thursday, July 24, 2008
are watching or reading the sad scenes in movies or books enough to make a person cry just because she wants to?
maybe there's really a reason why she wants to cry, the only problem is that she can't.
no matter how hard she tries.
just like cameron diaz's character in the holiday.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
heaven grant me patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
it's still hard to say goodbye to someone you love.
ewan ko ba. there's this feeling na ayaw pa rin mag sink in na she's really gone pero pag gabi sobrang nag-sink in naman.
ang weird kasi pag may araw it's really hard to believe she's not here.
wala na akong kasama sa mga kalokohan.
just a couple of days ago may nangyaring nakakatawa
gusto kong sabihin sa kanya
tapos bigla kong naalala na wala na pala siya.
nung monday nagsama-sama kaming mga pinsan sa mocha blends
there's the usual tawanan at kalokohan
but underneath all those laughter is the lingering sadness that
she won't be here anymore to join us.
she's too young to die.
but then her mission here is over.
i hope it will not go to waste.
schucks i miss me cuz.
so so so so so so much.
hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala.
Monday, April 14, 2008
never, ever go on a road trip with a big baby.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
all i want to do is just to curl up in bed, snuggle with me pillow, and drift off to sleep.
Monday, March 31, 2008
i used to think of myself as a night person, coz i just love the night. when i was still working at the regular human time, i used to turn in at about 12 or 1am; the latest would be 2am. i wouldn't do much tho, just read, doodle or just lie in bed thinking, thinking, thinking... now i couldn't even keep myself from nodding off at 8 freakin' pm ever since i started work at such an ungodly hour! hrrmmnnn. i couldn't even doodle my thoughts before falling asleep and it's just too bad that come morning, i have already forgotten whatever i've been concerned about the other night. that's why it's weird that now, in broad daylight, that i'm writing this thing. at any rate, regardless of what time i sleep anyway, thinking a lot is what i've been doing these past few weeks. the sweet, joyful anticipation of the day when i'll finally be free from the clutches of the evil aliens (in a manner of speaking). i know, i know, i should have left wayyyyy before but me being me, i'd rather stick it out first hoping it will get better even if in reality it's becoming worse and although i know it, yeah, i will still stick it out. what's this, an exercise on patience? a continuous practice of being wishy-washy? or maybe it's just plain laziness. and i admit that it has somehow become a comfort zone for me and sometimes abrupt change can scare the living daylights out of me. bad as the bosses may be on management, i do love being with my coworkers. believe you me, i've met so many people who come and go in this here office whom i've gotten along with quite well. (and to think i don't make friends that easily).and so, change. i do believe that i have started this year running. i've never been so busy in my whole life before, doing and experiencing things i never thought would happen, meeting a whole lot of new people with different personalities and actually enjoying hanging out with them. i guess all these happened so abruptly that at the start of this month i began to miss the good old usual things in my life--relaxing at home, hanging out with me girl friends, going straight home or watching a movie all by my lonesome after work--ahh, it all seemed so simple then. but then at the time i felt that i wasn't doing anything to follow any of my dreams at that point. i mean, i like doing the good ol' usual things but then there's something missing, ya know? and then it feels strange because the events which i'll just call "the nice new things" well, has somehow taken a bit of a toll on me and i just want to go back even for just a while. just to escape for a little while. i do miss watching movies, i do miss hanging out at home doing nothing after work, and i do miss my friends. a lot. i dunno, but maybe i feel just a bit pressured as of now because of some unexpected problems. i won't be bullied into succumbing though. i repeat, i just feel a tad overwhelmed right now about everything. and to think that i haven't finished working in this here office yet. still nagging at my mind is what would i do if this "nice new thing" won't work out? sure, applying for another full-time job would be the practical answer. then again, another negative thought. i guess i will just take a stab at this coz as far as i can see, i have already jumped off a very high cliff without any way of knowing what would catch me, maybe i'll just fly and see where the winds of this "nice new thing" would bring me. feeling overwhelmed i may be this time, i haven't started this year running for nothing. i'm sure that something good will happen to me this year with God's help. let's just say, i've taken on a leap of faith (add to that a part of myself that just wants to run head-on into anything). and yeah, all this thinking has made me lose my appetite somehow. wow, all these thoughts in full daylight. will i ever repeat this feat again at night in the future? i hope so. 
Monday, March 24, 2008
i really can't wait for THE DAY to arrive. 15 more days to go, and it's freedom!
so. boring. in. this. here. office. really.
can i stand the boredom for 15 more days?
think positive, man!
the sked right now may be really bad, but then...
sweet, sweet freedom after.
yeah, that's it.
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